Whilst some children look forward to going back to school, some children may find it daunting for so many different reasons. Some common fears include fears of meeting new people and belonging, appearance and hormonal changes, how to get from one classroom to the other, getting to and from school, getting on with teachers, fears about home work and grades, including fears about meeting parental expectations.
From a problem solving stance, parents can find solutions to help their child overcome each fear identified.
However, these fears can become unmanageable and may cause clinically diagnosable mental health difficulties when they are not validated and carefully communicated. Some fears can lead to school phobia, OCD, social anxiety, agoraphobia, separation anxiety, mood disorders, and anger issues. From the surface level presentations from these difficulties can get classified under ‘poor behaviour’ if they are not checked.by a trained therapist.
To stop these fears from deteriorating, it is helpful to catch them early noticing changes in behaviour, listening actively and finding the right time and place to talk to your child about their fears. Note how these fears make them feel, what they think and what they do as a result, validate with empathy without passing your opinion or judgement.
Please bear in mind that as a parent, you know your child best, it is your right to be listen and to be listened to. Take note of the tips below and work closely with your child, check what works for them and work with the school to support your child. Take little steps. Remember you can only do your best. Be kind to yourself, Remain hopeful, time is a great healer.
1. Create a relaxed and open atmosphere, it does not need to be a sit conversation, it could be whilst you are doing an activity together with your child.
2. Remain calm as best as you can, let your child see that you are fully present, validate their fears.
3. Show empathy, talk about a time when you had difficulties and share what you did to overcome them.
4. You can be creative with your child. Write down all the worries on a cardboard, or on sticky note pad etc. This could lead to a chat about how they feel, and about which worries they can do something about. Ensure that your child is leading during this activity, you can play the observer or facilitator. This can work well with younger children. With teenagers talking in a relaxed atmosphere when they are receptive might be enough, keep it short and simple, use a jargon that they can relate to.
5. Brainstorm different ideas on what they think can be done to manage their worries, let your child come up with the ideas.
For example, for fears about going to school, you could look at talking to the class teacher, finding a buddy, talking to the pastoral support team and come up with a plan that they agree with: going in for half days, doing work in a smaller nurturing space in school. Or starting school later with a reduced timetable etc.
Fears about catching a disease could include suggestions about carrying a pocket sanitizer, hand washing at appropriate intervals to limit over hand-washing.
6. Brainstorm activities that can help to reduce low mood like taking up boxing, makeup, taking up contact sports/outdoor activities or arts and craft.
7. Take little steps to build confidence, work closely with the schoolteacher to monitor progress, celebrate no matter how small the achievement is.
8. Help your child to put a plan in place on how they are going to go about managing their worries, the support/prompts they will need, they might need support from school.
9. Set some goals but be flexible about achieving them.
10. Start with the smallest achievable goals to help build confidence.
11. Review the plan to see what is working and what needs changing in managing the worries.
If things do not improve, talk to your child’s school SENDCO or an appropriate member of staff who gets on well with your child about next steps. Talk to your GP.
You can also contact us for further information via the contact details on this website.